“It is essential to relate what is strategically desirable to what is tactically possible with the forces at your disposal. To this end it is necessary to decide the development of operations before the initial blow is delivered.” – Bernard Montgomery

Our Campaign Operations began in 2011. The goal, healthy conception. Our strategy is to obtain as much useful and equally useless information as possible, make sense of what makes sense, and apply it so as to win the objective of policy by action. Yes, I mean sex.

We started by detoxifying our house. We said goodbye to the likes of Clorox CleanUp, Windex, and Lysol. We welcomed powerfully safe, organic cleaning agents like Greenworks, Method, Baking Soda & Vinegar, and the occasional “spit-shine”. While we may not have lemony-fresh smelling cabinets and streak free glass, we hope we’ve at least given our preconceived seed a fighting chance of survival.

Secondly, we have been eating organic as much as possible. And before you tell me it’s silly, do this:

1. Grab an apple.
2. Spray it with Raid (or some other equally toxic chemical)
3. Sprinkle in a little Uranium for seasoning.
4. Rinse and eat.

I thought not. Since I cook fresh as much as possible anyway, it really wasn’t difficult to make the switch to organic, just more expensive. Fresh food is more nutrient rich, and tastes a whole hell of a lot better. Not to mention, I’m a badass cook (according to my wife). Which brings me to our newest purchase… All-Clad Stainless Steel pots and pans! For years now, we’ve been using Circulon Non-stick, which by all accounts is reasonably safe. <sarcasm>I mean, it can cause cancers and birth defects in animals, but I’m sure it couldn’t hurt something as mighty as a single embryo.</sarcasm> Seriously though, the thought of  perfluorooctanoic acid flowing through my wife’s bloodstream just freaks me the F out. 

I’m getting lots of weird stares from guys in the bookstore as I sit indian-style (racist?)  in front of the maternity section, reading through pregnancy cookbooks, but I’m not deterred. My job as a husband and future father is to keep my wife, her eggs, and my seed healthy and safe. That is what I intend to do.